i’m still here. been too depressed to write. no words most of the time, when i do surface and feel alive, i overcompensate and try to get lots done before i sink underneath the cloud again. it’s not been pretty. i have no answers, some clues as to why i’m in this hole, and hope it changes soon. running helps, visitors are good as i almost reflexively play my role, but it’s a deep one.
it’s christmas. we have company. there are piles of presents under the tree, thanks to the generosity of others.
i’m tired of feeling on the fringes. i don’t belong anywhere. i have a need to, i think. i miss my family, miss feeling like a real part of a community. i have a bit of that at fynn’s school, but it’s not deep enough. i need to feel at home somewhere. anywhere.
i hope i find it.