Thanks to ComfortablyCrazy for volunteering to be in the Spotlight this week! I’ve read her blog for years, and knew her in person before that, and you’re in for a treat. She tells it like it is, always. Don’t miss her blog over here, or her Etsy shop here.

She ‘got a little wordy’ as she put it, and rather than edit I’m choosing to give you all her thoughts in two parts. This week you get part one! Enjoy :)

What was your life like before you became a mom?

What was my life like before I became a mom? Hmm, let me think about that one. Before I became a Mom I graduated from high school and planned on going to the local community college to take the basic courses that you need for almost any type of degree, but that didn’t happen. Why not? Well, let’s just say that about 3 months after Shawn and I got married, I got pregnant. And that during that pregnancy I spent many hours in bed very sick. I was everyday all day for three months. The one thing I did do was a lot of reading. And I mean a lot. I could easily read two books a day, depending on what type of book it was of course.

Tell us a little bit about becoming a mom … how many kids, when, how you felt about it?

I have two girls. Rapunzel is almost 11 and SuperChic is almost 6 1/2. They are 4 years, 6 months, 1 day, and 12 hours apart. I basically have two first borns. We didn’t plan on having our girls this far apart, but it wasn’t up to us. I have a long history with being pregnant. At 17 I had an abortion at 12 1/2 weeks. If I had carried the baby to term it would have been born right around my 18th birthday in December 1996. I regret the decision not to have the baby, but I also know that there was no way I could have made it through the pregnancy either. The baby’s father was a complete jerk and we spent many days fighting over what I was going to do, because as soon as I got pregnant it was the whole typical, “well, it’s not my baby thing.” The fact that I lost my virginity to him and that I hadn’t dated anyone but him in over a year didn’t matter.

I met Shawn at the end of April 1997. We were married in May 1997 and pregnant in August 1997. Rapunzel was born May 21, 1998. One day before our 1 year anniversary. We started “trying” again in March 2000. I got pregnant that Summer and then miscarried. I got pregnant again in October 2000 and miscarried in December 2000. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to me. With the end of this pregnancy I freaked out. Shawn and I were driving from I don’t remember where (Shawn was a long-haul trucker) to home for Christmas when I realized I had to pee and there was not a rest area in sight, or exits for that matter. We pulled into a rest area about forty minutes later. I noticed a pink tinge, but tried not to worry. When we pulled into Sydney, NE I had to pee again. We decided to eat at the McDonald’s since we were already stopped. I came out of the bathroom in a little bit of a panic. There was slightly more than a tinge of pink now. There should have been no pink. In the middle of trying to figure out how to get to the hospital and what to do with the trailer one of the truck stop employees offered to take us. I don’t remember much of what happened before or after the ultrasound. But I do remember some. I remember the vaginal wand that they used for the ultrasound and Shawn joking that it was one expensive condom they put on it. I remember looking at the screen and not seeing red and blue around the baby and not knowing what it meant, but knowing at the same time. Then they told me that while I was ten weeks along the baby was only eight. They recommended a D&C as soon as possible. Shawn said we were only a few days from home and could it wait. They said it could because I wasn’t likely to hemorrhage. I remember going back to the truck stop and calling my Mom and telling her I was never going to get pregnant again. And I meant it. I really didn’t want to get pregnant again. I was too afraid.

Of course come February 2001 I’m pregnant. In April we moved to Illinois and everything seemed fine. The week before we left I’d had an in office ultrasound and everything was okay. In May I went to the hospital for extreme bleeding. Of course, they couldn’t find anything wrong. In July I went in for an ultrasound. It lasted hours instead of minutes. We found out it was a girl, and named her Ashley. A few hours later I went for my check-up. I was sent for a level two ultrasound and an amniocentesis the next day. A week later I knew my little girl wasn’t going to make it. I cried a lot. At the end of August I went into labor at a local mall and by ambulance to the closest hospital. I was bleeding heavily and passing pieces of the placenta. The doctors and nurses were insistent that I had placenta previa. I didn’t. I told them what was wrong with the baby and that I had a placental separation in May. They ignored me. It was the worst experience of my life. Not that going into premature labor and delivering a stillborn is ever pleasant, but this bad experience was made so much worse. After seeing my doctor I immediately asked when we could try again. He said 6 months. That made it February. I did not want to get pregnant in February. I did not want the next baby to have the same due date as Ashley. I got pregnant in February. SuperChic’s birth was a five days before her due date. I was induced, but I had also been in labor for 5-6 weeks and dilated for three. It was fun times. I had my tubes tied when SuperChic was one, I was one month shy of 25. You’re wondering how all of this made me feel, I know you are. I felt like a human incubator, but I wouldn’t trade any of it. If things hadn’t gone the way they did I wouldn’t have the two beautiful daughters that I do. I still long for another baby sometimes, but I don’t feel like my family is incomplete.

What’s been the most difficult change for you since having kids?

The most difficult change has been not having me time. Or feeling guilty for wanting/needing/taking me time. I love to read, sew, write/blog, cook, bake, and knit. I don’t do enough of any of those things right now. I have an Etsy shop that is in need of updating. I have more things ready to add, and projects that need to be completed so i can add them. I have two blankets that I need to finish knitting. I have new recipes that I want to try. I have piles and piles of books to read. Am I doing any of those things? No. Why not? I don’t have a clue.

What’s your morning routine?

I don’t have a morning routine. Rapunzel gets herself ready for school and out the door. SuperChic and I sleep. When we getup she eats and goes outside and plays until it’s time to leave for school. I wish I had a morning routine. I am not a morning person, yet sunrise is my favorite time of day. When on vacation I loved watching the sun come up, then I would go to bed. I have always been more of a night owl. A few years ago I would get up at five and write before anyone else was up. I need to get back to morning writing. I really loved that. The house was quiet, my mind was fresh, and no one asked if I was done yet.