Drawing Lines in the Sand
Having survived, and even really enjoyed the holiday season last month, I'm now looking back with some bemusement. It started with my 6-month-old suddenly arriving at the Must-Have-Toy-Now- Or-I'll-Scream stage. Things that drop must be retrieved immediately, and boredom lurks around hidden corners. He's discovered the idea that things can be possessed, at least by his small hands and drooling mouth, and he's addicted. As the holidays often breed Gotta-haves and Gotta-dos in young and old alike, I started thinking about it a bit.
What do I have to have to be happy? I've thankfully never had to question the basics of survival ... food, clean water, and shelter. I've had my times of Ramen noodles and pinching pennies till they scream, but never gone hungry or been homeless. The majority of people in North America can say the same. So what else is on my "gotta-have" list? If I really look at it, none of the things are physical: time with my family, love, fellowship, faith, trust, real friendships, time alone, and freedom. When I get unhappy or irritable with my circumstances, I default to trying to make more order in my life ... I clean, reorganize, and throw away. We all have defaults, whether it's food, spending money, walking away, listening to music, smoking, talking, or whatever you turn to first when you're upset.
What does my default say about me? I have to admit that it means there's one more "gotta" on my list, and it's gotta-have-control. The funny thing is, I know in my deepest heart that it's not what makes me happy. I'm much happier when I don't have it. I had a strange experience years ago that involved feeling a sudden and intense joy in the split seconds between spinning my car out of control, and totaling it on the guardrail. I had zero control, no idea what would happen, and I couldn't have been happier! Perhaps it's a bizarre example, but it comes down to this: when you don't have what you think you gotta, you'll surprise yourself. Why? Because it isn't the thing itself we need, it's how it makes us feel: relaxed, in control, powerful, accomplished, successful, or whatever it is we crave the most.
I'll spare you the details of why I feel the need to control, and leave it at this. Most of us don't require that many things to make us happy, but we gotta-have or gotta-do whatever conjures up the feeling we equate with happiness. Chances are, that feeling we're chasing isn't what makes us happy, but we've made it a requirement in our own lives. Leave your gotta's in the dust for a change, and see what that leaves room for in your heart.